i've dreamt about ava all my life. i've imagined how she would look and how she would smell and how her tiny hands would fit into mine. i prayed she would be beautiful, i prayed she would be smart, but i never imagined the inexpressible love i would feel for her and the perfection that she is until she came. it would be impossible to; she exceeds every dream and every thought and every wish i ever had. to me, she is everything.
the day after we found out we were pregnant, i started writing letters to her. i wrote to her about how she was growing and what effects she was having on my body. i wrote to her about how excited i was to meet her and how much i loved her and how much i wanted to raise her to be strong and powerful and smart and spiritual and beautiful. how much i wanted her to know that she is infinite and complete and capable of anything.
i often times find myself looking at her big grey eyes or listening to her babble and i am amazed that i created her. that she grew in my body. that she will one day grow a tiny person in her body too. it's truly a miracle to me; a true sign that there is a God and that He loves me so much as to give me the most precious gift.
i found this video the other day and it touched me deeply. ava was napping when i watched it and i thought of my sleeping baby and how this little three-minute segment embodies everything i want to teach her and everything i hope she believes about herself.
that she is kind and smart and beautiful and funny and important and valued and respected and loved.
that she is perfect in her own skin.
and that she is a gift. a heaven-sent, impeccably-wrapped, designed by God himself, gift.