clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.
we started the friday night lights series on netflix when i was pregnant with ava. we were working for the summer in south carolina and david would come home at night and we would eat snacks in bed and watch episode after episode of tim riggins and matt saracen and coach taylor.
i can remember the details of that time like it was yesterday; the smell of the mustella lotion i rubbed on my pregnant belly twice a day, the dingy yellow kitchen lights, the angry rain pounding against the bedroom window. those were dark days, but somehow i always end up loving the hardest seasons of my life. i suppose in retrospect, i can see how they changed me and how i survived them and how in the strangest way, those struggles were beautiful because struggling is beautiful. it means we are alive and feeling and growing and conquering.
since moving to texas, every drive takes me back to that summer. to charleston, to a kicking baby in my belly, to pita chips and cold turkey sandwiches with mustard, to the loud thump of david crushing cockroaches in the kitchen, to the dillon panthers and feeling lost in a world where i didn't belong anymore. i feel that pain and see that time in the wide open spaces and sun-bleached grass of this texas landscape i now call home. it's a reminder of how far this little family has come and how dark days are fleeting and how all our trials are written with tears and kept safe in our hearts and they make our lives that much richer, our stories that much deeper, our sunny days that much brighter.
there is a plan for us. our suffering is never in vain.
that i know for sure. and may these texas sunsets never let me forget it.