this really hit home for me today.
lately it's been easy for me to get caught up in my shell, so to speak. i've been on this journey to get back to "who i was" pre-ava. there's a giant mirror on the wall of our hotel room, and i've been staring and staring into my reflection for days now, lifting up my shirt and turning to the side and analyzing my body.
is this the body that used to feel so confident and pretty and at ease on the beach in a bikini?
is this the body my husband fell in love with?
is this the body that fit into size 26 jeans so effortlessly?
am i back?
does my body look how it used to before it conceived and grew another human being inside of it?
and oh how it consumes me at times! and how disappointing it is that the physical matters so much to me, when there is such depth beneath it that oftentimes stays hidden. having a baby changed my life. my heart. it transformed me into something so much greater; it made me want to live for something other than myself. it made me softer. it made me happier. it made me selfless. becoming a mother made me the best version of myself, a gift that i will never be able to repay.
the truth is, i will never be "back." i am no longer that person. i might fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, but i am not that same girl. my life is so much richer, so much greater, filled with so much happiness and light, all due to a tiny little toddler named ava. she has enriched my soul a million times over, and something that powerful is too big for the pettiness of pretty.